2.5 Months

I'm getting really close to celebrating my 3 month anniversary!

A lot has changed for me in the past month. My new bite is coming along swimmingly. I've been wearing my bands for around 15-18 hours per day, sometimes even more. I was prescribed four the first orthodontic appointment, but I went back last week and was reduced to two. My orthodontist says that I can be out of braces by February/March, so I'm really excited.

I've still got some swelling, and my smile is still a bit crooked. I read somewhere that it's due to the swelling, and that it should straighten itself as the swelling goes down, but I can't help but be a bit worried. What if I have a crooked smile forever???

The swelling is reducing V-E-R-Y slowly, and it's so tedious waiting for my chipmunk cheeks to go away. I think that there's still some swelling on my chin, too. I hate that the most right now. But my "true" face is coming out slowly. I wish my nose returned back to normal. I hate how it seems to be stretched out on my face.

I got my hair done a few weeks ago. I think that definitely helped with making my face look less swollen. The poofiness of my new curls distract from the poofiness of my face.

2 Months

In the beginning of this blog, especially during the first two weeks, I thought this day would never come. Two months seemed like an eternity, and you might as well have asked me to wait for the next 10 years. I couldn't imagine what my face would look like without ten pounds of swollen cheeks, and the thought of leaving my house was daunting. Now, sixty days later, I can barely remember the pain and discomfort. Funny how the human memory works, isn't it?

If not for the meticulous records I've kept, I would hardly believe that I had surgery. Well, that and some of the stiffness I have left in my face. I'm now trying to keep up with the task of returning to normal life, like remembering to chew before I swallow. My adjustment period seems to be longer than most people's experience, which is probably compounded by the fact that I'm trying to adjust living in Seoul at the same time. I have to constantly remind myself that personal space doesn't exist here, and that someone shoving you on the subway isn't a direct attack on your person. The latter is difficult because I am ready to kill anyone who touches my new, expensive face.

I can pretty much eat most things now, minus really crunchy and tough foods. I've had salads, sandwiches, pastas. This weekend, I attempted to eat a burrito, but was waylaid by the spiciness (two months without spice has made me a weak kitten) and the exhaustion of chewing the tortilla. I should've gotten the quesadilla instead. But what I really want is an enchilada.

Day 56

The official dates are a bit sketchy. Technically, I'm 3 days after my 7-week mark. But I'm also hitting my 2 month mark next Tuesday. I don't know how the numbers can be so off. It's past my bedtime, and I can't be bothered to perform math - however simple - after 3pm. My brain is on logical shut down.

Now that I'm wearing 4 bands ALL THE TIME except when I eat, I feel like sometimes my muscles in my chin spazz out. Good news: I ate my first sandwich today. The bread was toasted, the meat was ham, and I ate all the veggies except for the pickles. Tomatoes, lettuce, onions, they were all chewed haphazardly because I've discovered that while the bands are helping most of my back teeth meet, my molars (the teeth wayyyyyy in the back) don't meet! WHATTTTTTT!

The general consensus seems to be that this is common, but it's still making me apprehensive. Also, I discovered that there seems to be muscles or gum or something that's making my molars even harder to reach, so I'm skeptical as to how I'm going to attach rubber bands back there. (God, that's going to be fun, isn't it?)

Now I'm watching Jesse Eisenberg on the David Letterman Show, and he kinda looks like he has a really short neck. I have this image of a little person (colloquial, midget) with a short neck, sunglasses, and a cane for his slight limp. Is there really somebody like that or am I creating this out of my mind? I think he goes to NYU because his major sounds like something that came out of Gallatin. Who else is not going to watch this film?

Day 45

I had a pleasant surprise yesterday. Turns out that I had my splint removal date wrong. It was TODAY, not Saturday like I originally anticipated. 

I went in today, and it was amazing to get that thing unwired from my upper teeth. The sensation of running my tongue over my back teeth was like an awkward reunion with the cousin you used to go skinny dipping with but now he’s older and you’re older and you don’t know what to say to each other and all you think about is how you used to run around naked in each other’s paddling pools… Yes, it was like that. 

I also got my surgical hooks removed. I don’t know if I really talked about this, but my surgical hooks were really screws embedded in my gums. I don’t know the logistics of how that worked, nor do I really care to know because just the thought of it makes me a little nauseous. When I got those taken out, I’m pretty sure my doctor used a screw driver. Or at least it felt like it. Also, one of them was stuck to my upper lip, so that was painful. Other than that, I didn’t feel much because I have no feelings in my gums right now. NONE.  (On the up side, on the subway ride home I started getting those champagne bubble fizzy feelings in my left lower lip, and I’m beginning to feel hot and cold temps on the other numb bits.)

Afterwards, I had to take photos and then got my first ortho treatment post-op. The joy of the splint removal was a little short lived as I got some rubber bands on my back brackets. To be honest, I’m a little confused with the purpose of these because I can feel my back molars meet (at least on the right side where I have feeling). I wore them for about 2 hours when they gave me an immense headache, so I removed two of the four I’m supposed to wear. I’m getting to be a pro with these bands.

For dinner, I celebrated by eating McDonald’s, which kinda grosses me out. I haven’t eaten Micky D’s in about 2.5 years. Maybe even more than that. I can even remember the last time I ate it. My best friend and I were driving back to campus after a night out – I’m going to assume we were partying – and were starving so we stopped at the only place open at 3 or 4 am and swore we would never mention to anyone that we ate there. The good news is that I’ve discovered that I can chew a lot more than I anticipated. AND, chewing is so much easier without the splint. You have less of that where-does-the-food-go-after-chomping chaos. 

Now that I’m feeling really post-op, I suppose there’s not much to do except continue to attempt to chomp through foods I used to love and worry about whether or not my new bite will shift (resulting in even more dental work, heaven forbid, I would just dieeeee).

Day 36

Before Kayne West became known for the joker that he's become, he was actually doing things that were meaningful. The first single he ever released as a rapper was "Through the Wire." I was a freshman in college at that time, completely unaware of how much meaning this song would have for me in the future.

He recorded the song after being involved in a near fatal accident in Hollywood. He had to undergo reconstructive facial surgery, which resulted in having metal plates placed in his face and his jaw wired shut for 6 weeks. Two weeks into jaw ordeal, he recorded this song - with his wired still in place. That's amazing. And I bet there isn't a single post-op orthognathic patient who doesn't sympathize with the following words:

I drink a boost for breakfast, and ensure for dizzert
Somebody ordered pancakes I just sip the sizzurp
That right there could drive a sane man bizzerk

Day 35

Today is the 5 week mark! 10 more days until my splint is no more, and only 3 more weeks until my 2 month anniversary. My life is all about numbers these days.

I’ve been eating pasta lately. Long noodles are easier as you can just cut them up and swallow them whole, but I’ve been attempting to chew more lately so I’ve been eating macaroni type noodles. Chewing is still a bit tiring after a while, and halfway into the meal, I start just swallowing. I’m still having issues with the food reaching my throat without having my tongue guide it there. I think it’ll be easier once the splint is out. 

I’m also trying to get my stamina back up to where it used to be pre-op. I get tired really easily, which is frustrating because there are so many things I want to do. It’s difficult because I can get my energy levels up without eating and since eating is a chore I tend not to eat as much. Catch 22.

Day 33

I spent a lot of time staring at my neck yesterday. It looks longer. When I put my hair up, I look like that girl on TV with the extremely long neck. One time, she came on screen with her hair in a top knot, and her neck looked crazy. That’s me now. I can no longer wear the top knot, one of my favorite hairstyles after seeing countless Swedish girls rock the shit out of it in May. 

I’m now in the clear for the acne that appeared post-op. They disappeared like they came – without notice and suddenly. I can now count on one hand the pimples I have left. Four. Well, three and a half. One is about to leave. 

Now I’m counting the days until the splint is gone – 12 more awful days with this mess and then it’s ta-ta!

Day 31

After getting my rubber bands removed yesterday, I've attempted to eat more soft chew items. For dinner last night, I ate spaghetti with the noodles cut very finely and a non-chunky sauce. When I woke up this morning, I ate pancakes (which I've been eating all along) and eggs. I've been chewing meat, mushy fruits, and sweet potato cake. I chewed a very soft nut that was sprinkled on top of my cake, and that was somewhat successful.

I say somewhat because here's the problem: I've forgotten how to chew. You would think that your body could remember something that it's been doing for 25 years. But once I mash the food up with my back or front (wow, I can't believe I can chew with my front teeth) teeth, the food just sits there. I don't even remember what used to happen pre-surgery. How did the food go from my teeth to my throat??? Now, I send in my tongue to retrieve the food and lead it back to the throat, but I'm not completely sure that was the previous procedure.

The things you take for granted...

I really want a sandwich. And some pizza. And of course, the ever elusive enchilada. I think I've gotta give up on the last one, as I'm now fairly certain it doesn't exist in Seoul.

Day 30

One thing that is so unique about Korea is the general population’s complete disregard for personal space. I got smacked by it today inside the department store by an employee who was too eager to get to the push carts. The victim was my right cheek, exactly in the middle of swelling. How is it possible that this man’s shoulder was a magnet for the sorest spot on my face? 

Went to the doctor today and had my rubber bands removed! The splint is still there, boo. But I did get a removal date – yay! Two weeks from now, I get that sucker out. That means I’ll have it removed on day 52. DAY 52!!! That’s more than seven weeks! Though I do have to say that for some reason, they thought I was leaving for the U.S. this week so they were actually going to take it out today. I should’ve just lied and then returned two weeks later and been like, “JUST KIDDING!”

Day 29

I ate pho today for dinner. I guess I should say dinner #1, as I’m still hungry. I cut the noodles until they were very short and then slurped it up.  I attempted to chew some of the longer noodles and found that they mostly got stuck in a crevice between my cheek and my teeth.

There’s this program on TV that investigates various segments of society and one of today’s topics was the rise in what’s called V-line surgeries. I mentioned this briefly, but there are a number of girls here who are obsessed with having smaller faces. I’m not too sure of the exact procedure but it involves breaking the jaw and shaving off some of the sides? and possibly shortening of the chin. Either way, the recovery is similar to what I’m going through. 

Watching it made me angry, as I think you’ve got to be five sides of stupid to undergo something as torturous as this for the sake of something so subjective as beauty. (If you judge by some tribes in Africa, elongated ears are considered beautiful, but you won’t catch me sticking objects in my earlobes.) Both girls who were lying next to me in the recovery room had procedures done for purely aesthetic reasons. Though I was too weak at the time to voice my opinion, if I saw them again, I’d slap both of them across the face. Except maybe the girl on my right because she gave me this delicious and sweet pumpkin juice. I’m easily won over by food.

Day 28

Happy four week anniversary! I woke up this morning and my skin seemed a lot clearer. I’m really hoping that all of this will be gone by the weekend. And how awesome would it be if the splint came out for the weekend, too? I’d be on top of the world! 

I can move my jaw to the left pretty far, but moving it to the right is really difficult. The muscles just aren’t going as far. Still hoping that my left side progress is enough to get the splint off come Thursday. If not, I have to remind myself that it’s literally only a matter of days. It’s amazing to think how far my jaw has come, especially as I was completely immobile 28 days ago. 

The food is still an issue, as I’m starving for real food. I chewed on some Jell-O today and realized that I can do that fairly well. I’m going to try eating rice with maybe some stew tomorrow. Maybe I’ll order a bowl of pho. 

Day 27

The twice a day cucumber facials are miracle workers! How did I live without them? I’m definitely going to continue this after this all ends. 

The meals I’m eating are beginning to get really repetitive, and I cannot WAIT to get this splint out. I’ve already started a list of all the foods I’m going to devour as soon as I can. The only trouble is that I have no idea where I can get a decent enchilada in Seoul. I’m actually willing to perform Fear Factor dares for one. Other items on the list include: pho, pad thai, burger and with crispy fries, Indian food (preferably a buffet style), and a Subway sandwich (suddenly remembered Mitch Hedberg joke about Subway & made me want one). 

I spent all day yesterday thinking about where I’m going to treat myself for a “real” vacation. I was originally planning on vegging out in front of a beach in Thailand, but ultimately my city girl and unagi-loving self won. To celebrate the 3 month post-op anniversary, I’m going to treat myself to a weekend trip to TOKYO, the city filled with delights that are izakayas, saunas, and Comme des Garcons. Can’t wait to shove fried things on sticks in my mouth and wash it all down with the homeless man’s beer, Asahi Super Dry, while layered in polka dot prints from Rei Kawakubo’s mind.

In the meantime, I’ll be traveling to England via “Little Bee” by Chris Cleave and later to Persia with Jake Gyllenhaal as the Prince.

Day 26

I cannot emphasize the greatness of a cucumber facial. I’ve been doing them since my skin trouble started but stopped when I went to see the dermatologist. I began them again 2 days ago, and I’ve seen such a difference. I think the cucumbers soak up the toxins that are clogging your pores. I usually keep them on my face until they’re about half dry and then peel them off. My latest conclusion about post-op pimples is that you’ve gotta let them run their course. There’s no other way. All the pills and cream they give you don’t help.

Unfortunately, letting the acne run its course means that when one area clears up, another area becomes infected. My chin area is now clearing up, but now my forehead (which was previously a pimple free zone) is flaring up. Faboo.

The stretching exercises seem to really help. I can now fit two fingers in my mouth comfortably! I know you're supposed to be able to open your mouth somewhere between 30 and 40mm. Is that more than two fingers? 

The muscles around my chin are pretty stiff, though. I can't move that area around too much or it gets really sore easily. 

Also, the areas where I'm still numb seem to alternate between being numb and being on fire/needles. It feels like someone is pricking me, but then it subsides at night. I assume that this is the nerves' way of trying to reconnect with feeling. I wish they would hurry, so I can get myself on a beach resort ASAP. I need a real vacation.

Day 24

Wow, it’s been 24 days since my operation. The days seemed to pass so slowly in the beginning and even more so after I passed the 2 week mark, but now they seem to be flying.

There hasn’t been much change today, except that I took off both elastics to eat breakfast for the first time ever. I was scared that my jaw was going to feel like it was going to fall off (like Graham), but I actually had difficulty getting my mouth to open at first. My teeth were suctioned into the bite splint and made this smacking sound when they came apart. I also tried to see how my teeth came together when they weren’t held by elastics. They seem to be doing fairly well on their own. I’m really hoping that this is a good sign that I’ll get the stupid splint out in the next appointment. If not, I’m trying to remind myself that it’ll only be another week afterwards.

I’m going to include these videos of Roger Ebert on the Oprah show today, because they were so inspirational to me during the early days of my surgery. He was diagnosed with thyroid cancer a few years ago and lost the ability to talk and eat after an operation. Despite that, he’s got such an optimistic outlook on life and has proven that you don’t have to have a voice to make yourself heard. 

Day 23

I began sleeping vertically last night, officially. I discovered that I was getting chest pains in the middle of the night from sleeping upright. I usually wake up in the morning with some swelling, but it tends to subside throughout the day.

The acne is getting better, but it’s still there, which is frustrating. Now I’m using an exfoliator every few days to get the dead skin off my face. I’m using the Clinique 7-Day Scrub, but the St. Ives version works very well, too.

There’s not that much change from yesterday, which makes me think that the healing is starting to taper off. I still have numbness on half my lip (the left half), my chin, and under my chin. I also have absolutely no feeling on my upper palate. When I brush it, I have no idea what I’m doing. I wonder when I’ll get feeling back there again, if ever.

I’m trying to keep up with my stretching exercises, so I can hopefully get my bite splint removed for my next doctor’s appointment, which is in a week today. I can see progress when I move my lower jaw out, but I can’t see anything happening when I move it from side to side though I feel it in my mouth. I can now stick two fingers (without elastics or with one elastic) when I open wide. It’s a little tight, but I think it’ll be perfect space tomorrow. Maybe I’ll take a photo of me opening my mouth instead of the crazy mugshots. Fifi sent me an email asking if I could smile yet. Not sure I can without looking/feeling like the Joker, but I suppose I should try.

Day 22

Woke up this morning and found the red rash on my face to have almost completely subsided. Also, a lot of the pimples on my chin have disappeared, too. If a shot in my ass can do this, I’m absolutely willing to take another one. I also received a white cream that’s supposed to be gentler on my skin (aka, not give me red rashes), and I think that’s helped with the zits, too. Now I feel fit to walk outside without feeling overly self-conscious.

Another new issue that’s arisen is that my gums are now attaching themselves to my braces. Also, I keep chewing on my gums, and I’m sure there’s going to be a lot of kanker sores when this is all over. The thing is, I can’t feel the gums on my left cheek (and possibly the right as well) so I have no idea whether or not a piece of my gum is clamped between my teeth. Struggles.

I mentioned in my last entry that I was only popping bands on my left side. Well, I popped the right one today. I’m trying to figure out if I’m supposed to change both of them at the same time, because right now my right one is super tight and my left one is a bit more lax.

There’s this show on TV that highlights individuals in various workplaces who perform a certain manual skill with flair. Like, last week they showed this man who worked in a pizza parlor and could cut and spin raw dough like no other. Today they’re showing people who work in an alcohol factory. It reminds me how much I miss drinking. More than the alcohol itself, I miss the conversation and camaraderie that comes with sitting at a bar with a nicely poured pint.

To wrap up today, I’ll share a recipe.

Recipe:

I love rotisserie chicken with baked beans and cole slaw. On those days when I don’t feel like cooking, I’ll stop by the grocery store and pick them up for a feast. With the left over chicken, I make a chicken salad with pesto, capers, and mayonnaise. I’ve discovered a way to have one of my favorite meals in a no chew or little chew fashion.

Boil a chicken in a pot with vegetables. You get a good broth that you can later slurp.

Shred the chicken. I usually like the breast because there’s a good chunk of meat. Shred the chicken very finely. Use scissors if you must. I wouldn’t recommend blending because it doesn’t look that great, but if you must, you can. Mix in pesto sauce and mayonnaise. Add a bit of salt for taste.

Heat canned beans over the stove. Mash with a spoon. You can swallow the concoction whole.

You can also add mashed potatoes for a full dinner.

Day 21

Officially three weeks since the surgery. Woke up this morning to find that the acne cream I applied on my face last night decided to make my allergies flare up, so I had humongous red spots all over my face. Went to the doctor for a facial, and then a shot I received in my ass. That was fantastic. Got more medication. This is going to be fun.

Popped another band while slurping lunch. I’m now trying to eat all my meals with utensils instead of attempting to drink them. Curiously, I’m only popping rubber bands on my left side. It’s like my right side knows that I’ll never be able to put it back on so it’s being calm. Interesting.

A few hours later, the redness in my face has significantly subsided from this morning. Oh, the miracles of modern medicine. The large spot on my left cheek has been reduced to a lighter pink, and the spots on my left have nearly disappeared. I might have to go back tomorrow morning for another shot, but I hope not. Sticking needles isn’t my ass isn’t part of my ideal day.

Also, another piece of good news – my ears popped today! I was watching “The Black Dahlia” when I realized that I could manually pop my ears. My right is better than my left right now, but I’m not complaining. Amazing what bad cinema can do to the body. 

Day 20

One day away from being three weeks post-op. I thought it would never come, and yet it has. Went to see the dermatologist today. He’s the older brother of a family friend. I hate going to the derma because I feel like their jobs are pretty much useless. They just prescribe you some medication and say, “Let’s see how this works out. Come back in __ weeks and we’ll discuss your progress.” If I had to be a doctor, I’d be a derma because you don’t do anything. You don't even touch the patient's face! You just look and then pull out your prescription pad. It’s a pretty sweet gig with an extensive salary.

Because of the swelling in my cheeks, I forbade them to touch my face. Otherwise, I would’ve gone through another very painful session of them popping all of my pimples. Gross.

There’s not that much change except that I can open my mouth a bit wider everyday, or at least I think I can. I also think I can bring out my lower jaw a little further than yesterday. For dinner mom made a curry porridge, which didn’t look that great but tasted fine. Also ate this chicken salad mush before eating another pancake for dessert. We have a can of baked beans that I would love to devour but we don’t have can opener. I’m also clueless as to where to get one. It’s truly the simple things in life you miss the most.

Day 19

Woke up today and my face seems to have gotten worse overnight. I don’t know what is exactly causing the breakout, but it’s really distressing. I can’t decide what’s worse – having bad skin or having a swollen face. Wasn’t planning on seeing a dermotologist here, but now I feel like I must. Making plans for it soon.

Brushed for the first time yesterday, or at least attempted to do so. Then I had difficulty reattaching one of my rubber bands, so I don’t know if I’m going to do it again with my bands off. The gunk on my tongue made me gag, though. It’s INSANE. And it needs to go.

Discovered “The Big Band Theory” today and am disappointed that I never gave this show a chance as it’s hilarious. Had a few laughs, so morale is up today, but seeing as I’m still counting days I really can’t wait for this to be over. Also, I’m considering going on antidepressants as my mood swings are getting really out of control. One minute I feel really great and satisfied with my surgery, the next I want to crawl into bed and never come out again.

Day 18

Woke up feeling a bit blue still from last night, but mom made mashed potatoes from scratch for breakfast. No gravy, but still better than all the shit I’ve been eating for the past 2 weeks. Watched “Hollywoodland,” which is a seriously underrated film. Midday, while I was eating pudding, one of my rubber bands broke. I left it off for about two hours before I reattached my first rubber band by myself. And it took me less than a minute! I’m going to try and brush my teeth tonight. Hopefully I’ll be able to get the bands right back on again. The gums around the screws are a bit inflamed from the lack of brushing, I think, so I’m going to try and remedy that.

Day 17

Today began like any other day, but I felt so horrible after the doctor’s appointment that it easily became one of the worst days post-op. There were two things that occurred that really brought down my morale. First, I had the stitches in my mouth removed. This was a very painful process, contrary to what others have written. I could feel some of the strings being pulled out. Other times, I felt a pinch and could taste the blood in my mouth. I spent most of my time trying not to be freaked out.

Second, I had my bite splint attached to my teeth. Since it moves around a lot, they wired it to my top braces. I’m supposed to wear this for another 21 days, until my next appointment. The thought of that is so discouraging to me that I have very little desire to do any of my mouth exercises. My muscles can form to what I have now for all I care. I don’t want to open my mouth ever again unless it’s to get this thing removed. 

After we left the hospital, I started crying in the middle of the street and told my mom that I regretted getting the surgery. I had no idea that the mental challenges would be like this. It's really on a whole other level. Yup, throwing a pity party means that today is definitely a bad day. 

Day 15

I can’t believe it’s been 15 days since my surgery. Then again, I can. The swelling seems to have gotten to a standstill. I haven’t seen any significant change. But I did a cucumber facial tonight, and it feels like it helped with the swelling. I feel less pressure on my right cheek. I wake up in the mornings to realize that I’m sleeping on either my left or right cheek, which is what is contributing to the swelling. I’m finding it difficult to get all my daily calories. Food has no taste, and I am losing the desire to eat.

I can’t wait to get the stitches removed on Friday. They’re starting to dig into my braces and causing sporadic bouts of pain every now and then. I still have a small sliver of hope that my bite splint will be removed, but I know better than to hold my breath. The 1 month mark can’t get here any faster.

Day 13

Been having trouble sleeping at night because I sleep mostly during the day. Took a remedy to that by exerting excessive energy today. Thought the main branch of Kyobo bookstore was open (in conjunction with the reopening of the palace) but it wasn’t. Ended up going to the Samsung Hospital area and seeing the remnants of my great-grandfather’s house.

The swelling still exists, and I caught a few curious glances, especially when I was in the hospital area, but most people seem not to notice very much. It’s only exacerbated when I open my mouth as my speech leaves much to be desired. Returned home to find the swelling less significant than earlier in the day. Also managed to disloge the bite splint and remove a piece of food only to discover that there’s more food lodged in it. The cleaning will have to wait until my next doctor’s appointment, which is Friday.

Day 12

This morning isn’t much better than the last. Woke up late because mother went to her hometown in the early AM, which means I slept until 11am. Then I started watching “Lord of the Rings: Return of the King,” which is three hours long. What a waste of a morning. Ate porridge, and cups and cups of mango juice. Also drank one New Care can, which is the Korean equivalent of Ensure. I only drink the strawberry flavored because original taste is really gross. Still hungry but thinning out the porridge is such work.

Day 11

Woke up this morning to find that my left side had swollen twice the size of my right. I think I slept on my left side last night, thus the swelling. The swelling hasn’t gone down very much, which worries me, as I’m quickly approaching the two week mark. 

Practiced opening and closing my mouth today, but I think the rubber bands are digging into either my gums or my stitches, so it’s painful when I try to close. Laughing hurts immensely, and I feel like The Joker when I do it. Been trying to eat more to get those el bees back up to a normal, viable weight as I look like a walking skeleton.

Day 10

Went to the doctor today. I think I was feeling quite emotional, and it just ended up getting unleashed while I was there. First, they put salt water on my stitches which kinda burned. I had my bite splint removed and got to rinse away as much as possible. The super industrial strength rubber bands were replaced with looser ones, which allow for more mobility. I have to practice opening my mouth for 10 seconds while saying, “Ahhhh.” 

They were showing me how to put on the rubber bands myself when I looked into my mouth and saw that my surgical hooks are actually embedded in my gums. I think they’re actually the titanium screws. It grossed me out immensely. I couldn’t bring myself to touch them.

Went home, rented the second part of Lord of the Rings and tweeted about it. 

Day 9

Slept fitfully for the first time last night since the surgery began. The swollen throat is now nonexistent, and I have a lot of feeling in my left cheek now. The feeling intensified during the day, and now I only have numbness in my chin. The cheeks are still swollen, though. I have lost one of my multiple chins. Now I am only double chinned. Hurrah.

Can open mouth a bit wider now, so I’ve been trying to consume more calories. Still difficult to get it up there, though. I’m constantly hungry now. I dream about fried chicken and think about foods from my childhood, like Kenny Rogers Chicken. What happened to that? Tacos are also very pervasive in my thoughts.

Read over the paper from the hospital only to realize that I won’t be able to eat meat until I’ve hit the 3 month mark. I nearly had a heart attack. Also, I most likely won’t be getting my splint removed tomorrow. That’ll be for the next visit, as they count days from the day you’re discharged from the hospital, NOT from surgery date. Things are so ass backwards in this country, and I really want to go home now. I think about my queen sized Temperpudic mattress a lot, especially at night. Oh, America, I miss you.

Day 8

Woke up last night in a fit of pain. It hit me from nowhere. I felt like I woke up to find my entire face on fire. When I woke up again this morning, I felt a lot better, but I’m still taking mini naps throughout the day. I realized last night how extremely thin I’ve become, even more so than I already was. I can see my entire rib cage in the mirror now. I could go in as a live skeleton to a med school for observation.

I can move my mouth open a little, but it gets me tired pretty easily. It’s easier during the day. I now have extreme pains in my ass, mostly because there’s nothing between my ass bone and the floor/the bed/chair.

I can feel my right back molars. I think my left ones are hitting the right place, too, but I can’t feel them yet. 

The yellow in my neck still seems to be there, but I can move my neck further back than before. I’m trying to eat as much as possible, but my laziness is overwhelming me. It doesn’t stop me from being constantly hungry, though.

Day 7

Sleep is getting a bit better, but it’s still off. I keep sleeping during the morning/afternoon and stay up all night. Last night, I flipped out again thinking that I couldn’t breathe and stayed up until about 5am.

I can now move my upper lip up and down as well as open my mouth a little, but the bands are really straining. I get tired of opening pretty quickly. The yellow in my neck has gone down some, so has the swelling in my cheeks. The left side is still a bit numb compared to the right, and the chin is completely numb. I keep thinking that I’m going to get the feeling back in my lower lip since it tingles every now and then, but nothing has happened. Three more days until I see the surgeon again. I’m hoping that he’s going to say that I can take out my bite splint early.

Day 6

Got even less sleep last night. I kept thinking that I couldn’t breathe properly so I spent a great deal of time trying not to flip out. But it’s amazing how much progress a single day can make. After two day time naps, the swelling in my face reduced significantly. The milky feeling in my throat is starting to subside, and I’m starting to feel less like I have a sore throat. By the end of the day, I could feel my entire right cheek – almost. There are a few spots near my chin that are still touch and go. 

But my left side is starting to worry me. There’s a pricking sensation that’s irritating. I can’t decide if it’s a stitch or if it’s a bracket that’s irritating my gum/stitch. I put pressure on it whenever I swallow, so it’s cumbersome.

The swelling is now officially on its way down, and I’m a lot more optimistic now that I feel like the tough parts are nearly over.

Day 5

Didn’t sleep at all last night. Went to the hospital at 7:30am to have my rubber bands replaced. Spent a large chunk of my day passed out, spitting up phlegm, or attempting to eat. I’m so hungry, but I’m scared to eat because of the phlegm. Aunt and uncle came by today, and aunt told me that I still have some of the anesthesia in my system, which is why I’m still coughing up the phlegm.

Morale is higher today as some of the swelling has noticeably been reduced, but I still have a long way to go. I can feel tingles in my bottom lip, which make me hopeful in having feeling return to them in a few days. I can’t decide if I want to make my cheeks slimmer or get feeling back in my lips first. I’m really hoping that the worst is behind me, but after reading some of the other jaw surgery accounts, you’re not really out of the woods until you hit around Day 10. I keep trying to remind myself that it’s one day at a time, and not to rush my thoughts. For someone with my temperament, this is proving difficult.

Also, I’m slightly concerned that I’m going to start having ear pain, as I can feel a slight pressure in my left ear. Worrisome. 

Day 4

First full day at home, if you can call it that. Couldn’t sleep last night, so I spent a lot of today sleeping. I also spend a better part of today spitting up the phlegm that’s congealed in my throat. It’s not attractive, and I’m scared that I’m going to bust open my stitches. I don’t think I could mentally handle a complication right now. 

Morale is higher today than yesterday, partly because I’ve discovered an online forum as well as dozens of other blogs that chronicle their own journeys with jaw surgery. The splint (wafer, mouth guard) moved twice today, freaking me out. Going to the hospital again tomorrow to see why it keeps moving. A part of me is hoping that they’ll take out the wafer and just leave the bands. Not getting my hopes up that much, though, by reading the experiences of others. Feeling a bit more optimistic as I think my swelling has gone down some today after my 3 hour afternoon nap.

Day 3

Last day at the hospital.

Got my IV removed in the morning, which was joy. But then I discovered that my mouth guard is going to be in place for 1.5 months. The thought of eating like this is daunting. 

When I got home, I had difficulty getting down antibiotics due to the thickness of the liquid. DILUTE EVERYTHING WITH WATER. To the MAX. 

I'm absolutely starving but I can only drink thinned liquids. Really depressed about the state of my face, the state of my life. To think that only a month ago, I was a contributing member of society. Low morale today.

On top of all this, liquids keep going down the wrong pipe, and I can't enough cough because I'm banded shut so tightly.

The only evidence of my prim & proper self are old photos.
I don't even remember what it's like to put on makeup at this point.

Day 2

I recovered from my fever, and began to drink more liquids. At this stage, I would say that people should bring you juices when they visit you in the hospital. They taste really good.

A girl left the hospital and went home to BUSAN (which is a good 2 hour train ride from Seoul and that's using the bullet train). Before she left, I discovered that she had surgery for purely aesthetic reasons, and I hated her. But she had these really big eyes so I couldn't hate her for long. Also, she gave me pumpkin juice thing in this plastic bag. It tasted great. I'm easily won over by food.

Hello Kitty girl kept snoring. I roamed the halls at night and passed out during the day when she's watching TV or on the computer.

I now have to write out everything I want to say. My Korean skills are quickly improving out of necessity.

Got banded in the morning, so now I can't spit phlegm out when I want to. It's a total battle.

Day 1

After a horrifying night in ICU, I was moved to the regular rooms in the hospital. I had to share a room with three other girls. One was a full day of recovery ahead of me. The other two were girls from my ICU. The girl with the duck pillow, I think, had her face bones shaved to have a more slimmer looking face. The girl with the Hello Kitty everything had the same type of underbite as me. At some point during the recovery, her younger brother came to visit her and she would throw ice packs at him when he did or said something she didn't like. This made me want to laugh but the stitches and the swelling made it too painful.

Hello Kitty girl snored like my dad - she could move walls. I swear to God at some point I saw her bed shake from her snores. If you have the opportunity, take the single room. I signed up for it too late, and got stuck with no sleep for the first few days post-op. Though I don't know if the single helps that much as the discomfort is really unbearable the first few days. Sleep seems to elude all post-ops.

That night, I ran a low grade fever, and had to get pumped with various meds. I felt like crap, and every time a nurse asked me how I was doing, I wanted to punch her in the face. Except I felt too weak to bring up my arm.

This was also the first day with my bite splint.

Pre-Op/Day of Operation

In a little more than 12 hours, I’m going into surgery. When I put it like that, it sounds daunting and absolutely frightening. I’ve tried not to think about it, avoiding the idea like a summer cold. The less I think about it, the less I’ll be afraid of that time – that’s been my train of thought thus far. 

This is an entry from my journal for Aug. 9. Looking back, so much of what I wrote was a colossal mistake. For one, I should have fully researched everything that comes with jaw surgery. If I could do it again, here are the things I would've done:

1. Get myself started on a dose of anti-depressants. I'm really shocked at how crazy your mood swings can be post-op. 
2. Read about other people's experiences with the liquid diet. I knew that this was a part of the healing process, but I don't think I fully understood what this meant. Reading liquid diet for 6 weeks is one thing, but really experiencing is another thing altogether.
3. Read about other people's experiences with pain. I braced myself for a certain amount of pain, but the discomfort is OVERWHELMING. More than the pain itself, it's annoying to not be able to talk, sleep vertically, eat your favorite foods, have a throat the size of a golf ball, cheeks like a chipmunk for WEEKS... 
4. Talk to other people who have had the surgery, preferably people who are undergoing the healing process or going through the same stages as you. There are tons of forums out there which provide really great support groups. 
5. Buy acne cream, or stock up on your usual facial regime. Some people are lucky enough to have reactions from the steroids and meds they pump into you post-op, and get really fantastic breakouts of pimples. As if you didn't feel like a teenager with the braces, nature decided to send you another reminder.

My pre-op experience basically came to this. I arrived at the hospital at 6:30am and changed into hospital clothes. I was put into a room with five beds. All five were occupied when I arrived. In total, there were around 10 people who went into surgery with me that day. There were more, I realized later on, but I just never saw them. This is the scale of operations this hospital performs on a daily basis. My own doctor had two surgeries that day. I was the second. The first girl was done in less than 2.5 hours.

I remember walking into a freezing cold operation room. I laid down on the bed, shivering from the cold. The anesthesiologist put something over my mouth and told me to take deep breaths. That was it. Apparently, I woke up post-op and tried to talk to my mother, but I don't remember that at all. The next memory I have is waking up in the ICU (this was a basic requirement of the hospital stay, NOT because something went wrong) and watching the girl next to me puke blood into a plastic bucket.

Choosing A Doctor

I met with two doctors in Seoul. The first was a private hospital in the plastic surgery mecca of the capital. The hospital was famous for jaw surgeries, like the Dr. 90210 of Korea, with multiple press junkets, TV programs, etc. He had an extensive resume and was one of the first people to begin to use a surgery first method. This is an option given to people like me, who have already had braces, to have the opportunity to have the surgery and then return to 6-8 months of braces. This meant that I would be able to skip over the 1-1.5 years of wearing braces before having the operation. I liked this option for a number of reasons, the greatest being that I would be a braceface for a maximum of a year.

The second doctor was someone recommended to me by a family member. He was much older than the first doctor, around 60+, and was a part of a university hospital in the plastic surgeon department. Retrospectively, I realize that this should've been a red flag, as this is maxillofacial surgery, NOT plastic surgery. However, I was too naive to make this connection, and after pressure from family members, I ended up choosing this man as my surgeon.

For anyone who is trying to decide on a surgeon, TRUST YOUR GUT. If you think the doctor is too old, too dumb, too inexperienced, too whatever, GO WITH SOMEONE ELSE. And DO NOT let anyone pressure you into choosing a doctor. This is YOUR surgery, and YOU are the one who will have to live with the consequences. Go with someone who instills a sense of confidence and calm about your future face.

After I returned to the States in early June, I began making plans to fly back to Seoul to prep for my Aug. 8 surgery date. I flew back in mid-July to begin work with the dentist who was NOT a part of the university hospital (even though the hospital has its own dental school). Again, this should've raised another red flag, but my naiveté won.

The day after I arrived, I plunged into dental works, aka getting braces. Got my spacers inserted, a few days later, had my back brackets put into place. That was when things started going downhill. One of my back brackets weren't put in correctly, so my back teeth wouldn't meet properly. The next day, I went to meet with the surgeon. With the operation looming less than 3 weeks away, I was expecting a more detailed explanation of the game plan for my jaw. That was when he started asking me how I wanted to have the surgery - did I want both upper and lower, was I interested in genioplasty, etc. Aside from me asking post-op questions, he had nothing to tell me save for the fact that he planned on going on vacation from Aug. 2-8.

After this meeting, I immediately called my best friend whose entire family is in the medical profession. She expressed her skepticism, which corroborated my own, and told me to discuss this again with my parents.

A few days later, I went to the dentist, assuming that they were going to put on my brackets. When I arrived, they first inserted an expander in my mouth without having told me previously that I was getting an expander. That was when I started to come to the realization that I was completely clueless about the dentist's plan for my mouth, in addition to the plans for the surgery. I was getting pretty upset while sitting in my chair, but the last straw came with the brackets.

The first day I arrived, I had discussed with my dentist that I specifically wanted to have enamel colored brackets for the top teeth and metal on the bottom. When I looked in the mirror after they placed the brackets, I saw that they put all metal. I was LIVID. When I complained that the metal brackets were not the ones I had requested, my dentist showed me the paper that showed the words "metal" written under brackets. I told him that I don't know who wrote that, but it was something I hadn't requested. The fact that his attitude was like, "They're on now, just keep them on" made me absolutely furious. If I'm paying thousands of dollars for a service, I expect for the job to be done well. That means that if I want enamel brackets and you put on metal, you go back and put enamel brackets in my mouth even if it's a pain because at the end of the day, you fucked up and this customer is NOT happy.

After more discussion, I come to realize that the dentist (the one who actually comes up with the plan for the surgery) hadn't made the measurements and graphed a chart for me yet, citing that he hadn't had enough time. He gives me more excuses by saying that this entire procedure is rushed. I heard that as him saying that he's inadequate to prep me for an operation that's now 16 days away. When I told him that I wanted to further discuss the plans for my surgery, he brushed me off by saying that he had a lot of patients to see today. I heard that as him saying that he didn't consider my status as a patient as important and that my concern for my surgery was unwarrented and an overreaction. I left the office with an internal struggle with how I should proceed.

LOTS of tears and LOTS of stress later, my uncle (with whom I was staying) showed me the website of another hospital that only performed jaw surgeries. At that point, I was torn between staying in Seoul and meeting with other doctors or just giving up and going home. But then I figured since I was already there, it wouldn't hurt to meet at least one more. I'm really glad I did, because that was how I found my surgeon.

From the first moment I walked into the new hospital, I knew this was the place. Lots of meetings later, I was finally matched with a surgeon who had an opening for Aug. 10 (two days after my original date) due to a previous patient canceling due to problems with their blood test. I was told by the head nurse that I was lucky to get Dr. Park because his surgeries tend to be shorter than the other doctors due to his experience and skill. I felt like this was just another sign, so I prepped myself for Aug. 10.

My Story

After discovering the comfort I received from reading about other people's experiences with orthognathic surgery, I've decided to put my own experience on the web for posterity's sake. This required swallowing a huge chunk of my vanity as post-op photos are NEVER pleasant, and I'm someone who takes a lot of pride in their appearance. (I'm that person in college who never wore pajamas outside of my dorm room. I still don't understand why people do this. Comfort is not a valid reason.)

My story began sometime in 5th grade, I think. Or maybe it was 6th grade. I honestly can't remember as it seems like I've had an underbite for my entire life. The only reason why I know this isn't true is because my kindergarten school photo shows me having a perfect bite (and really cute little teeth).

My grill was astronomically messed up, so I started braces the summer before senior year. Or maybe it was junior year of high school. I can't remember that date all too well, either, as high school is a massive blur. The only thing I can remember clearly were my AP Biology classes, which is ironic as I hated this class because I'm scientifically challenged. My orthodontist told me that I had two options of fixing my teeth, which were to fix them knowing that I would never have surgery or to fix them leaving the surgery option open. I chose the latter. At 17, I was terrified at the prospect of a long term operation, but my wishy-washy self couldn't discount that I'd decide to have it at a later date.

I went through college without a second thought until my cousin who had a severe underbite received his operation date. I was a senior in college at this time and had a lot on my plate, but I met with my cousin's surgeon in Atlanta and received a consultation. Everything he said was pretty much the norm (performing upper and lower) until he brought out the s-word: SILICONE. He wanted to put silicone pouches in my cheeks.

As someone who was writing a senior thesis about the pressures of plastic surgery, this idea horrified me for numerous reasons (did you know that places where you insert silicon don't sweat?), and that ended the talk of surgery.

I didn't give it another thought until April 2010. I went to my parents' periodontist for a teeth cleaning, where she and I had a serious discussion of the effects of my bite. I began grinding my teeth after I graduated from college (possibly an effect of post-grad crisis, most commonly known as the quarter life crisis), and it's escalated as of late for whatever reason. She told me that I was grinding down my lower molars, and that in a few years I wouldn't have any left. On top of that, she told me that the pain I have from talking long periods of time could most likely be contributed to my underbite. For a loquacious person as myself, this is a problem.

I was wary at the idea of having to book another consultation with the silicone happy surgeon, but then my cousin who's a rhinoplasty surgeon in California told me to seriously consider having the operation in Korea. Underbites are rather common in Asians, and Korea is one of the leading nations in this type of surgery. I made quick plans to go to Seoul to meet with various doctors.

I'm going to stop here, because the next part is unbelievably long and requires a post of its own.

You can tell here... (me, on the right, of course)

But not so much here...